Hello all!
I have been terrible about keeping this thing updated! I haven't even posted anything since my band announced signing! I guess the best place to start would be to address the signing!
Signing to Hopeless Records was literally a dream come true. I remember at this time last year, Matt and I were wondering what exactly to do about the situation with the band. We wanted to play music, but we were so afraid of quitting school. We had prepared ourselves for the worst, thinking that it could be years before we ever got noticed by a label, but less than four months after leaving school, we signed our deal with Hopeless.
The past few days I've been thinking about how everything just sort of came together. The more I think about it, the more amazed and humbled I become. It was as if one event led right up to the next. That is actually what inspired me to write this blog entry to begin with. The way everything just fell into place is proof, more than anything else, that God had a plan for us all along.
I'm sure that most of you who follow this blog probably know the basic history of the band, so I'll spare you all the long details. All I'll say concerning it, aside from the more recent past, is that we started playing music very young. Matt and I decided to start the band the summer before our freshman year of high school. We played shows, wrote CD's and eventually did a few tours, all while still in high school. I guess the point where things really started to lead to where we are now, for me, was our senior year of high school.
For me, senior year was a time of change. I was trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to do after high school. Of course, I applied to colleges like everyone else, but deep inside, I knew that college wasn't what I really wanted to do. I knew that after all the years of working towards being able to go out and play music full time, my chance had finally arrived. However, the uneasiness that comes with considering a future absent of a college degree hindered me from really speaking out about it. It was a dream of ours to kind of get picked up by a record label right out of high school. It would solve all our problems. We could play music full time and not have that feeling of instability; the feeling of irresponsibility. Time progressed, however, and we realized that the chances of that happening were slim to none. So, I continued to apply to colleges and in January of 2009, Matt and I both got accepted to UNC- Chapel Hill. This gave us hope that since we would still be together, we could continue pursing music. I later found out that I would be receiving a full ride to the university, which made me feel like maybe God was steering me away from the idea of playing music full time; maybe going to college was what I was supposed to do. I guess this idea of living a lifestyle other than that of a full time musician was the first big change to take place. However, forcing myself to think of a life without music made me feel a bit hollow. It was like everything I had worked for didn't matter. I felt as though I had willingly lost a vital component to who I was. But, Matt and I put the situation in God's hands and knew that he would do what was best for us.
Backing up a bit, another huge change for me was the removal of a relationship; or rather the idea of a "relationship." Unfortunately, I was one of "those people" who took their high school relationship way too seriously. I dated someone my freshman year of high school, all the way up to my senior year of high school. Of course, within this three and a half year period of dating, there were times when I would question the dynamic of the relationship. I'd question how "real" it was. But, despite my doubts or worries, at the end of the day, I was comfortable. The sense of normalcy that I was provided with as a result of this relationship was good enough to keep me working towards making it a lasting thing.
Don't get me wrong; I wasn't an emotionless machine, desiring nothing more than stability. I did deeply care about the person I was with. I "loved" her. Love is such an abstract idea and thinking that you can fully grasp it at the age of 16 is absolutely ridiculous, or at least it was for me. But, of course, I overlooked that at the time. Another thing that I overlooked at the time was the importance of "self." The importance of knowing who you really are. I can honestly say that I knew exactly who I wanted to be at a very young age. My morals, ideals and beliefs were fully formed by the time I made it to middle school and they are something that I still haven't strayed away from. However, I assumed that the same applied to the other party in my relationship. This was a terrible assumption to make, simply because some people take longer than others to find themselves. That was the case in my relationship.
We grew up together, but I could also feel us slowly growing apart; drifting away from each other. I ignored it as much I could though, just so that I could cling to that sense of normalcy that had been present in our relationship for so long. My morals stayed strong, but hers wavered. Or, rather than wavered, her true beliefs simply began to surface. I could see that she had changed herself to please me. She didn't believe the things that I believed, she simply masked her true thoughts and ideas in order to force a sense of compatibility upon us. I was in "love" with an actress. I was in "love" with the character that she had cast herself as. However, with time, it began harder and harder for her to force herself to abide by my beliefs and eventually, she began to break character. And don't get me wrong, I'm not painting her to be a villain, because looking back at the situation, she did nothing wrong. She did what all people do; She changed. She began to think independently. She was beginning to find the path to her self realization. I could see it happening more and more and by the time I found out I had been accepted to Chapel Hill, my sense of normalcy was beginning to crumble. I began to pray every night for God to show me what to do. I remember praying these exact words, "If I'm not suppose to be in this relationship, God, please end it for me. I'm not strong enough to end it myself. If this isn't the relationship I'm supposed to be in, have her end it."
The relationship ended with a text message that she sent me on a rainy saturday in March of 2009. She said "we need to take a break," but that pushed me further away from her than a simple "goodbye," would have. I was crushed. I knew that it was God simply answering my prayer, but I was still completely shaken. I kept all emotion to myself for a while. I pretended to be unaffected. I didn't say anything because I knew that whatever I had to say about the situation didn't matter. God had done what I asked him to do and I was putting all trust in him.
In May, senior prom rolled around and I decided not to go. Instead, my parents took me to Best Buy to pick out a MacBook Pro for college haha. Once I got home, I started thinking about everything that had happened in the previous months, and those same feelings of sadness and disappointment began to surface. Having just got a new MacBook, I decided to write a song describing the way I felt, on GarageBand. It took me a little while to figure out how to create my own samples, but once I got the hang of it I wrote a song called, "The Ghost Sleeps: For You." The song completely spilled the way I had been feeling since the break up. I held nothing back. The chorus lyrics read, "Lately I've been wondering, why did you do this to me? I should have seen it coming and I must admit it's numbing. And I'm so disappointed, but I'm not surprised. You'll be so heart broken when you realize I'm gone." Once I finished the song, I was really happy with it, but I knew it was something that Divided By Friday could never use, so I decided to start a solo project.
I showed the song to my best friend, Matt, and he liked it a lot. He also liked the style of the song so, upon request, the solo project became a duo, which we named, "Eeky and the Elevator."
In the following months, Matt and I moved to Chapel Hill and attended classes. We did our homework and we made good grades. However, the more I got into the routine of a "normal college kid," the more miserable I became. I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I was supposed to be playing music. I kept it quiet, though. I assumed Matt was enjoying our new lifestyle, so I decided to try to do the same.
In September, Matt and I decided that it would be a cool idea for Divided By Friday to put out a Christmas EP. We started writing songs and actually began recording it in October. The time we spent recording that EP was both the happiest and most miserable I had been in a long time. I was so happy to be creating music again. It was the first time I felt "at home" since I started college. However, it was also physically demanding, due to the fact that we still had classes, so an average of 2 hours of sleep a night was all we had time for. This EP was kind of my final letting go of my previous relationship, as the lyrics indicate. It was the period when I really started to move on.
After we finished the CD, Matt was driving our producer back to him hometown, Columbia, and I was laying in our dorm room by myself and I began thinking. I began thinking about everything. About the feeling that I still got every night before I feel asleep. The feeling that I was ignoring what God was telling me to do. So again, I prayed this exact prayer, "God, if I'm not supposed to be in school, give me a sign. Tell me something. Show me something. I can't tell my parents that I'm considering giving up a full ride just because of a gut feeling." No more than ten minutes later, Matt called me and says, "Dude, there's something that I've been meaning to talk to you about."
We discussed the logistics of quitting school and our plan of action once we were out. We made a list of things we could do in order to attract the attention of labels. We were going to give it one good run. We had told ourselves that we would try for 4 years and if nothing happened, we'd quit. We decided the best thing to do would be to write 4 good songs, put them on a CD to send to labels and to put out a good music video; all of which would be supported by a ton of online hype.
We began writing the songs and the more I wrote the lyrics, the more I found that the songs were addressing the concept of "moving on". They were addressing new beginnings. It was sort of me looking in the rear view mirror and waving goodbye to my old life; to all the things that hurt me.
One day I was at home with nothing to do, so I decided to record a demo of an idea I had for a song to go on the new CD. I sent it to Matt and we both began to collaborate and work on the music. We got to a point where the music was done, but I couldn't really decide on what to do with the lyrics. Matt and I sat down together and started to construct what the song should be about, which was a new approach, since I usually did all of the lyric writing completely alone. We wrote the verse but then got stuck when we got to the chorus. The more I thought about it though, the more I began to feel drawn towards the song I wrote back in May. I started listening to"The Ghost Sleep: For You," and realized that the main melody in the chorus, "I'm so disappointed, but I'm not surprised," fit perfectly with the music that we had written for this new Divided By Friday song. We were hesitant at first, but decided to reuse both the line and melody, which eventually led us to use a lot of the same lyrics and melodies from the song. When we finished reworking the old lyrics and writing new ones, what we came out with ended up being our single, for the new EP, "Disappoint:Surprise."
We shot a video for the song and in April of 2010, it was released, along with the single itself. We would later find out that this release was what first sparked the interest of Hopeless Records.
The release date for the EP was set for May 19, 2010, but our first contact with Hopeless Records was made on May 12, when we received an email from Eric Tobin. This was huge for us. We had been prepared to work for 4 years completely on our own, so the thought of one of our dream labels showing interest in us already was mind blowing.
In the following months, emails were exchanged, conference calls were made and lots negotiating took place, but on September 1st of 2010, we signed our deal with Hopeless Records; less that four months after leaving school.
For me, the progression of events, one leading to the next, is obvious. Once we put the whole situation in God's hands, he began to help us see things so much clearer. We put the future of the band in his hands when we decided to go to college. I put my heart in his hands when I decided to let go of a relationship that was very important to me. And, from the end of that relationship, came the inspiration to write lyrics that would go in the song that would eventually catch the attention of the record label who we ended up signing to. And from us putting the future of the band in God's hands, came the courage to leave school and pursue our dream.
Looking back at all of that now, just amazes me. What seemed so vague and scary to us just a few months ago, was all a part of God's plan for us. I couldn't be more thankful for everything He's done for us. I know that everything that has happened so far and everything that is to come in the future, is all because of Him. When you try to keep things together all on your own, they always fall apart; but when you give it to God, He makes things happen that are beyond belief.
Thanks for reading! Hopefully this will inspire someone out there to give a situation that's been bothering them to God. What may seem like the worst today, could end up being the first step in the right direction tomorrow. Never lose hope and never let go of your dreams. Put all your trust in God and the rest will come, if you simply have faith.
Love you,
-jose
PS- If you want to hear the original recording of "the ghost sleeps: for you," head on over to www.myspace.com/eekyandtheelevator!
